A Suicide Loss Survivors Perspective

Tammy Bush-Hamilton

Tam’s Beautiful Butterflies 501C3 Non-Profit Organization

CEO/Founder Tammy Bush-Hamilton

Belonging: A Suicide Loss Survivors Perspective

First, I want to thank God for all He has done for me because I wouldn't be here today if it had not been for Him. 

I want to start by telling you all a little about me. I was born and raised in East St. Louis, IL. I grew up in a proper family setting, a two-parent household with my mother and father. They were great parents who did their best to give us everything they thought we needed and what they lacked growing up. I have five sisters and three brothers. I am the middle child and the 1stdaughter of my father, who raised my older siblings as his own. 

I chose the topic “belonging” because I found it suitable, particularly relating to my experience growing up in my own family. I often felt like I didn’t fit in, even at work. I became fond of entrepreneurship because deep within; I don’t feel good and satisfied with myself and those I serve.

Let’s consider the meaning of belonging for a moment. The dictionary states that belonging is a feeling of being happy or comfortable as part of a particular group and having a good relationship with other members of the group because they welcome you and accept you. A sense of belonging is one of humanity’s most basic needs. One word that describes belonging is “inclusion” or “acceptance.”

We all want to feel like we belong. We all want to feel loved. As I share my story, it is important to mention that I am married, and I had a daughter who died by suicide on January 14, 2014. As a parent, can you imagine receiving a phone call at 1:00 am that would change your life forever. When I received the call, I remember answering the phone by saying, “Tammurra, what are you doing up calling me at this time of the morning?” The young lady on the other end said, “This is not Tammurra; I called to tell you she fell and hit her head. I asked what was wrong, and they said we don’t know, but the ambulance and the police are here, and they are doing CPR.” The police officer at the scene asked to speak with me, and he said, “I think you might want to head down this way.” I immediately hung up the phone and called my husband who was at work, and I paced the floor praying until he arrived. 

As we drove to the scene, we were both nervous, not knowing the outcome, and 30 minutes into the trip; I received a call from the hospital. It was the doctor on the other end, and he said, “It would not be fair to have you come all the way here to find out your daughter didn’t make it.”

I share my story today in hopes of helping someone and saving another parent from having this same experience. 

It has been nine years since my daughter left this earth. To honor her memory, I started a Non-Profit Organization called “Tams Beautiful Butterflies” to help bring awareness and provide preventive education resources to all communities in the hope that we will save lives and end the stigma surrounding suicide. Suicide is the leading cause of death among college and university students in the U.S. My daughter was a college-age student at the time of her death. Until we arrived at her college apartment, we didn’t know that she didn’t register for school that semester. I also discovered that she was a victim of sexual assault. As parents, we try to do everything we can to protect our children. Standing in a hospital room over my daughter’s lifeless body still haunts me to this day. This is one of the reasons I have become an advocate for suicide prevention.

There are 12 things I believe parents can do to help prevent suicide. 

1. If you see signs that your child’s mental health is off, tune in and ask questions. 

2. Listen; even when your child is not talking, you may discover something. 

3. Pay attention because your child might be facing suicide risks you haven’t even considered.

4. Don’t dismiss what you see as just teenage drama.

5. Use empathy and understanding while talking with your child. 

6. If you recognize your child is in trouble, get professional help right away.

7. If you have guns or lethal tools that could harm your child, remove them/ensure they are secure. 

8. If your child has to enter into treatment, ensure you create an environment of hope.

9. Help your child build friendships with family and friends to ensure they don’t isolate themselves. 

10. Suggest things like exercise, support groups, and other fun hobbies. 11. Encourage balance and taking things slowly. 

12. Remind each other that this will take time, but you are right there with them. 

I live now with much hope, and I keep the Serenity Prayer nearby. I often ask GOD to grant me the Serenity to accept what I cannot change. My life is different without my daughter, but I remain hopeful that one day Suicide will be no more.

Tammy is the President of Butterflies DBA Beautiful Butterflies is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization that addresses suicidal ideation and mental health issues by providing suicide prevention training and mental health services. Our Mission is to partner with schools and colleges in an effort to educate teens and young adults about suicide. Our Vision is to be the most reliable organization that works towards preventing suicide through public awareness, education, reducing stigma, and serving as a resource to those touched by suicide.

Tammy is currently serving on the board for both the Family Hospice Center and St. Clair County Suicide Alliance. Beautiful Butterflies objectives are to educate communities about the importance of improving access to mental health care and treatment, breaking down the barrier of negative perceptions about mental health, train communities on how to prevent suicide, reduce factors that increase suicidal risk, and increase factors that promote resilience. Beautiful Butterflies has partnered with Prevention First to provide QPR and Narcan training and AFSP to do It's Real Presentations for high-school students. Also, Talk Save Lives Presentation to our local community organizations.