"The Problem With Parenting "

Pastor Tanya C. Brown

Someone once said that the problem with parenting is that by the time you figure out how to do it your children are grown.   Children really do grow up fast even though it doesn’t seem like they ever will during the days of diaper changes, bottles, school activities, sibling rivalry and seasons of growing pains. As parents we often look back on those child rearing years with fond memories of the special times we had, yet, more often than not we also look back with regret over the things we wish we had done differently. My very wise husband has a remedy for those regrets citing that, “ If we had known differently we would have done differently”.   Thankfully, children are merciful, forgiving, and love us unconditionally. By the time they become adults we may feel that there is no retracting or fixing those areas we didn’t have quite figured out when they were little.  The truth of the matter is that we have more opportunities than we realize to re- build or fix relationships with our adult children.  Now before you put on your self- righteous robe and claim that you have done nothing worthy of asking your children’s forgiveness, don’t be so sure that you are not just smelling your own putrid air. Step outside for a moment and get a whiff from their point of view.  If the truth be told your children may feel they have much to forgive you for. Pride, arrogance, insensitivity to their real experiences keeps even the self - proclaimed “ model parent” in denial and in refusal to fix what may need mending. The good news is that even when they become adults and no matter whom else has entered their lives you still matter. They are still concerned about what you think about them, (ignore those comments made during the teenage years such as, “ I don’t care what you think”). Truth is, they really do care and they still want and need your unconditional love and acceptance and to know that you are proud of them and their accomplishments no matter how small. Even with their flaws adult children still need validation. Acceptance, too, of those they love translates as acceptance of them in the same way that rejection of those they love spells rejection of them in their estimation.  Many parents continue a pattern of failure even after their children are grown because they do not learn from their past mistakes and when they do they refuse to fix what is broken. This refusal translates as lack of concern and that spells continued disaster for the relationship.  Parenting  is a necessary role that never ends; it only shifts. It is constantly changing. We must continue to grow as parents and learn to shift when seasons change.  The old maxim that says , “When they are little they lay on your lap, when they are grown they lay on your heart demonstrates this truth.  Your children are always your children. And, though, your parental role is constantly shifting do not abandon it. Embrace it, own it, value it, and do not fail to love, respect, accept, forgive and be forgiven by your children.