"Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month:

Understanding Healthy Vs Unhealthy Relationships"
Cynthia Bennett

Understanding the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships is essential for teens navigating the dating stage. This knowledge will empower them to build strong, respectful connections and recognize a relationship with harmful tendencies. 

Healthy Relationships will display characteristics such as Respect: Where both partners value each other’s feelings, opinions, and boundaries; there’s no pressure to change or conform to someone else’s expectations. Open, honest Communication is needed where both parties feel heard and understood and know that disagreements should be handled calmly and respectfully. Another important characteristic is Trust: both partners should feel secure and confident in the relationship without the need for constant checking or monitoring. This will foster Support by encouraging each other’s goals and dreams and being there for each other in the good and challenging times. Shared decision-making breeds Equality and a balance of power between the two individuals where both partners feel equally valued. Finally, both parties should be able to maintain their Independence in the relationship. It is okay to have different interests and friendships or participate in activities apart from one another. You are who you are, and you should not have to conform to the other person’s ideology and interests. Each person in a relationship has their own set of experiences, ideas, and dreams that make up who they are.

On the contrary, those relationships that are Unhealthy take away from your identity, demean you, and attempt to usurp Power and Control over you. One person in the relationship should not make all the decisions and dictate how the other person should act, behave, or respond. This characteristic can also be Constant Monitoring of the other person’s activities, friendships, or social media use. When you have a personal interest in the person you are dating, naturally, you would want to see them do well. However, if the relationship is toxic, there is often Jealousy, which leads to accusations or restrictions on social interactions or your partner feeling as if others are a threat to the relationship, male or female, family or friend. Another unhealthy trait is their display of Lack of Respect for your ideas, your space, your time, your individuality, what you want to do in life, or any suggestions or ideas you may have. They also tend to dismiss or belittle their partner’s feelings, opinions, or boundaries. Often using insults, sarcasm, and criticism about you, how they dress, talk, wear their hair, or nails.  In their mind, everything about the other person is about tearing them down and controlling them, which is a form of Emotional Abuse. 

When a partner wants to address something, but the discussion is always avoided, it results in Poor Communication. Their response is always expressed through feelings of anger or withdrawal, frequent interruptions, or dismissing the other person altogether, as if what a person has to say is not important, or they simply don’t care. These relationships often display some form of Manipulation. This is when one partner tries to coerce their partner to do something they don’t want to do, and you pressure them or try to place guilt on them to have your way. More often than not, this will usually escalate with the other person using threats to gain control. Toxic relationships involve Dependency or Isolation: demanding constant attention, where the one person don’t have time for themselves or the activities they desire to be involved in because the other person always has a ‘concern’ about their being away. They make their partner feel that they cannot function without them. When the partner feels as if they are losing control, they will often resort to Violence or Threats like physical harm, threats, or intimidation, as well as coercive behavior, including sexual pressure or force.

This is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, and there are ways we as a community can promote Healthy Relationships through Education: teach teens what respect, trust, and equality look like in relationships. It further discusses the importance of boundaries and consent. Encourage Self-Awareness by helping teens reflect on their feelings and actions in relationships. This will foster self-respect and self-esteem.

As adults, we have work to do as well. We must model healthy behaviors by demonstrating respect and communication in our relationships. We must combat and speak against people and industries who normalize toxic behaviors in media as well as music in daily life.

Provide Support: Create a safe space where teens can talk about their relationships without fear of judgment. We were once teens, too; we should share our struggles and our victories with teens. They will be open to receiving from adults and as a reminder to them that we are ‘human’ and have made mistakes as teens. Offer guidance if you notice teens who are experiencing unhealthy dynamics in their relationship, and remind them their mistakes are not final.

If a Teen is in an Unhealthy Relationship, recognize the signs, such as changes in their behavior, mood, or social interactions. Grades are dropping in school. Encourage Open Dialogue: LISTEN without judgment and validate their feelings. Acknowledge what they feel and help by connecting them to resources, like the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233); loveisrespect.org offers online chat and resources for teens or local agencies, such as JADASA (Journey Against Domestic and Sexual Abuse) domestic violence, sexual violence, teen dating violence, and stalking advocacy agency, provide education, intervention, and group support 314-269-0100.



By understanding and promoting healthy relationship practices, we can help teens build strong, respectful partnerships and protect them from the harm of unhealthy or abusive dynamics.